she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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