you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
