Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
false alarm, still single
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