remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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