college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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