just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
