Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
