My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
