Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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