So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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