I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
