i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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