would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
