my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
