what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
