im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't put those talents on a resume
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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