Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
