Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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