Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hippo gnu deer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
