Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
