Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
