you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
