I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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