bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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