the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
