What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
