Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize