bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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