What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
