I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
