He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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