Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
