Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
