guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize