i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
