is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
