Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
