I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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