doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will be naked everywhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He better not be in your backpack
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
