is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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