in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
