I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
