How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
