What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
