You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You took a bar mat shot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
