If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
smell my finger.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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