I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
