Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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