Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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