can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
