Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
