i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
