did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
