I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
