Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
