The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
