why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
