Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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