Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
