Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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