His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
