I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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