i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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