I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
