I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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