You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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