Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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